Brent was thinking and feeling what thousands of husbands have thought and felt through the years. Unfortunately, Brent had never made the distinction between stage one and stage two of romantic love. In stage one the feelings are euphoric and without effort. In stage two the feelings come only when we speak each others love language. Can Brent’s marriage be saved? Yes, if he and his wife will confess past failures and agree to speak love in a language the other person understands.
The "In Love" ExperienceThe average life-span of being in love is two years. The “in love experience” temporarily meets one’s emotional need for love. It gives us the feeling that someone cares, that someone admires and appreciates us. Our emotions soar with the thought that another person sees us as number one. For a brief time our emotional need for love is met. However, when we come down off the emotional high, we feel empty, sometimes accompanied with feelings of hurt, disappointment, or anger.
Emotional love must be nurtured. Speaking the primary love language of your spouse is the best way to keep love alive. Love is a choice you make daily. If emotional love is to return, it will require each of you to discover and speak each others primary love language. There are only five basic languages: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. Learn the language of your spouse, speak it regularly, and emotional love will return to your marriage.
"It Doesn't Come Naturally!"I’m often asked, “What if the love language of your spouse is something that doesn’t come naturally for you?” Maybe their love language is physical touch and you’re just not a toucher. Or they prefer acts of service, but you don’t find satisfaction in keeping the house organized. So, what are you to do?
You learn to speak their language. If it doesn’t come naturally for you, it’s even a greater expression of love. It shows effort and a willingness to learn. This speaks volumes to your spouse. Also, keep in mind that your love language may not come naturally for them. They have to work just as hard to speak your language as you do to speak their language. That’s what love is all about. Love is giving. Choosing to speak love in a language that is meaningful to your spouse is a great investment of your time and energy.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Thursday, May 14, 2009
How To Make A Girl Fall In Love With You
Let's get started. Getting a girl of your dreams is much like getting the car of your dream. But unlike a car which you can always bargain for, there is nothing like a 20 percent discount in courting the girl of your dreams, she's so sweet a thing to be discounted, you dearly are in love with her and your feelings for her can only be communicated not by the words of the mouth, but by the words of the heart. Getting the girl actually depends on how big your heart is - faint heart, never won fair lady. The first dating idea for any man is to make a good impression.
In your doing so, you don't have to talk, dress or do the common things that all the Toms do to get a decent girl's attention. Be unique, that's all you need. Be a man of his own style. Dress decently - indecency can make one be mistaken for arrogance; watch your language - obscene language gives the impression of immaturity, being uncultured and cheap; be a man of good habits - don't drink or smoke like any other loser.
How to make her fall in love with you? Take your time. Add some romance to your dating style. When in College I had a crush on the most beautiful lady in our first year lot. Though all senior guys were out to get that girl, I managed to divert her attention from the other guys. I wrote her three letters without disclosing my identity and slid into her room secretly; all I said was 'Yours Secret Admirer.' The first letter contained the meaning of her name, this I got by playing around with the initials of her name to make meaning. The second was a funny message that could only be read backwards and it was all about her physique and her smartness. In the third letter I told the girl to be ready to receive a rose flower from her admirer, but only if she could be kind enough to phone him using a number that I had included in the letter. The girl did phone me that very night, and her first words to me were, "Hallo Secret Admirer." So, the story of our love affair came to be. Later she told me that was so creative of me, no one had approached her in that manner. I made her fall in love with me and made a date in the romantic manner.
Befriending and understanding the girl you are out to get is the next important thing. This is what I also did. You have to understand that as a lady, she loves to be loved, adores to be adored and needs to be needed. This will move you closer to the girl and you'll get to know what she's into, what she likes and dislikes, and what her style is. Love is built upon friendship and it always leaves individuals better off having known each other should they break up. I and my College steady were to break some time later but to date, we are the best of buddies.
Be sure that bringing out the selflessness friend in you will make her create room for you in her heart. A shoulder to lean on and some good friend that she can always turn to is all that a lady wants. Please don't hesitate to be helpful and supportive. Be that friend who rekindles her zeal of hardworking and restoring hope back into her life when she looses hope. This above all other things will make you her daily vitamin simply because you bring out the best in her in terms of personality and character.
In you, she'll have found that friend whom she can open up to, share with and advice each other on the rights and wrongs, the dos and don'ts of life. Don't forget to always be there to celebrate the good times, and to lend an ear when the girl needs you to listen as a friend. Make the girl feel special; because she's someone's friend - your friend, and let her know that she too has touched your life in a unique way like no one else could.
Compliment her for her company and for being there when you needed her, when you felt sad and all alone. Show appreciations for the comfort the girl offers you and for making you smile. In your day to day talks, share your dreams, your world, and every aspect of your life with your girl. Always dream with her, build with her, and always cheer her on and encourage her. Tell your girl how you always think about her even when you try not to think about her.
Let the girl know that she's your first thing in the morning and the last thing when you go to bed at night. Her knowing that you were thinking of her when you slipped beneath the softness of your blanket and gave in to the bliss of sweet dreams, will make her go 'my my' and her heart will sing your name all the year round. You have to be creative and constructive to keep girl's interest in you so full of life.
I remember one time I told my girlfriend to be to imagine we are both deaf and dump. We then sat opposite each other on the table and started sharing our feelings for each other using eyes and hand signs. It turned out to be some fun. There was also this time that we were in the library and we decided we are not going to speak to each other verbal, so I wrote a love note on a paper and passed it across the table to her, she replied and on and on we carried on our love on paper conversation till we almost exhausted a whole rim of paper.
At sometime, I noticed that some guys sited with us on the table were enjoying our ordeal than their studies. Such are the things that made the girl embrace my world. I remember her suggesting that we play deaf and dump two years after we broke up, can you imagine that? Never fail to phone her, even when she least expects it.
I once called some girl that I was interested in at four o'clock in the morning. When inquiring of what I was doing up so early, I told her I was in thirteenth heaven, where people think of their loved ones when they can't sleep. Wow! First thing early the next morning, she was at my door with a king-sized hug for me. No matter how many dates you take her, don't make any elbow - exceeding moves after any date, just drop her home and with a friendly handshake, wish her good night.
Don't kiss her when she expects you to. Your respect as a gentleman will be earned on how patient you are with her when it comes to such matters as kissing her and accessing her inner graces. The writing is on the wall that you want her, but you can't have her just yet. Increase your demand. Try to show her that men are also hard to get at times. Make her realize that when she feels a little dizzy, a little tired, a little sad, a little sick, a lot bored and very much cold, she's actually missing vitamin you.
By this time, she'll be so much into you and since love is truthful and is characterized by open and honest communication, honestly promise her your everlasting devotion, loyalty, respect, and your unconditional love for a lifetime. Prove to her that you'll always be there for her, to listen and to hold her hand, and that you'll always do your best to make her happy, and feel loved.
Remember, patience is the key to her heart; be like that gardener watching a fruit as it hangs on the tree, day after day admiring it, but, exercising tremendous self-discipline, neither feeling the fruit, nor pinching it, nor testing it to see if it is ready. And then, one day he holds out his hand and the fruit simply drops into it, ripe, warm and eager to be eaten.
The patience and self-control which you practice will make you more attractive and charming. This will qualify you as her daily vitamin and win you that heart hers. I wish you to meet the girl of your dreams ASAP, make her fall in love with you, and make her feel the happiest girl in the world!
In your doing so, you don't have to talk, dress or do the common things that all the Toms do to get a decent girl's attention. Be unique, that's all you need. Be a man of his own style. Dress decently - indecency can make one be mistaken for arrogance; watch your language - obscene language gives the impression of immaturity, being uncultured and cheap; be a man of good habits - don't drink or smoke like any other loser.
How to make her fall in love with you? Take your time. Add some romance to your dating style. When in College I had a crush on the most beautiful lady in our first year lot. Though all senior guys were out to get that girl, I managed to divert her attention from the other guys. I wrote her three letters without disclosing my identity and slid into her room secretly; all I said was 'Yours Secret Admirer.' The first letter contained the meaning of her name, this I got by playing around with the initials of her name to make meaning. The second was a funny message that could only be read backwards and it was all about her physique and her smartness. In the third letter I told the girl to be ready to receive a rose flower from her admirer, but only if she could be kind enough to phone him using a number that I had included in the letter. The girl did phone me that very night, and her first words to me were, "Hallo Secret Admirer." So, the story of our love affair came to be. Later she told me that was so creative of me, no one had approached her in that manner. I made her fall in love with me and made a date in the romantic manner.
Befriending and understanding the girl you are out to get is the next important thing. This is what I also did. You have to understand that as a lady, she loves to be loved, adores to be adored and needs to be needed. This will move you closer to the girl and you'll get to know what she's into, what she likes and dislikes, and what her style is. Love is built upon friendship and it always leaves individuals better off having known each other should they break up. I and my College steady were to break some time later but to date, we are the best of buddies.
Be sure that bringing out the selflessness friend in you will make her create room for you in her heart. A shoulder to lean on and some good friend that she can always turn to is all that a lady wants. Please don't hesitate to be helpful and supportive. Be that friend who rekindles her zeal of hardworking and restoring hope back into her life when she looses hope. This above all other things will make you her daily vitamin simply because you bring out the best in her in terms of personality and character.
In you, she'll have found that friend whom she can open up to, share with and advice each other on the rights and wrongs, the dos and don'ts of life. Don't forget to always be there to celebrate the good times, and to lend an ear when the girl needs you to listen as a friend. Make the girl feel special; because she's someone's friend - your friend, and let her know that she too has touched your life in a unique way like no one else could.
Compliment her for her company and for being there when you needed her, when you felt sad and all alone. Show appreciations for the comfort the girl offers you and for making you smile. In your day to day talks, share your dreams, your world, and every aspect of your life with your girl. Always dream with her, build with her, and always cheer her on and encourage her. Tell your girl how you always think about her even when you try not to think about her.
Let the girl know that she's your first thing in the morning and the last thing when you go to bed at night. Her knowing that you were thinking of her when you slipped beneath the softness of your blanket and gave in to the bliss of sweet dreams, will make her go 'my my' and her heart will sing your name all the year round. You have to be creative and constructive to keep girl's interest in you so full of life.
I remember one time I told my girlfriend to be to imagine we are both deaf and dump. We then sat opposite each other on the table and started sharing our feelings for each other using eyes and hand signs. It turned out to be some fun. There was also this time that we were in the library and we decided we are not going to speak to each other verbal, so I wrote a love note on a paper and passed it across the table to her, she replied and on and on we carried on our love on paper conversation till we almost exhausted a whole rim of paper.
At sometime, I noticed that some guys sited with us on the table were enjoying our ordeal than their studies. Such are the things that made the girl embrace my world. I remember her suggesting that we play deaf and dump two years after we broke up, can you imagine that? Never fail to phone her, even when she least expects it.
I once called some girl that I was interested in at four o'clock in the morning. When inquiring of what I was doing up so early, I told her I was in thirteenth heaven, where people think of their loved ones when they can't sleep. Wow! First thing early the next morning, she was at my door with a king-sized hug for me. No matter how many dates you take her, don't make any elbow - exceeding moves after any date, just drop her home and with a friendly handshake, wish her good night.
Don't kiss her when she expects you to. Your respect as a gentleman will be earned on how patient you are with her when it comes to such matters as kissing her and accessing her inner graces. The writing is on the wall that you want her, but you can't have her just yet. Increase your demand. Try to show her that men are also hard to get at times. Make her realize that when she feels a little dizzy, a little tired, a little sad, a little sick, a lot bored and very much cold, she's actually missing vitamin you.
By this time, she'll be so much into you and since love is truthful and is characterized by open and honest communication, honestly promise her your everlasting devotion, loyalty, respect, and your unconditional love for a lifetime. Prove to her that you'll always be there for her, to listen and to hold her hand, and that you'll always do your best to make her happy, and feel loved.
Remember, patience is the key to her heart; be like that gardener watching a fruit as it hangs on the tree, day after day admiring it, but, exercising tremendous self-discipline, neither feeling the fruit, nor pinching it, nor testing it to see if it is ready. And then, one day he holds out his hand and the fruit simply drops into it, ripe, warm and eager to be eaten.
The patience and self-control which you practice will make you more attractive and charming. This will qualify you as her daily vitamin and win you that heart hers. I wish you to meet the girl of your dreams ASAP, make her fall in love with you, and make her feel the happiest girl in the world!
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Africa Girls Moves in THE HUNTED
They were both washing their clothes, a pair of unbreakable friends that are always together. Unlike Grace, Toyin was uneasily attractive. To say she was beautiful would have been incomplete. To say she exuded sex would have been oversimplifying it. Her back hair capped over her ebony skinned face. Her lips full and luscious, with wide hips that marched her well-framed thighs and her full breasts. She was as beautiful as a picture. Although she was not from a very rich family as Grace who was the daughter of a Chief but her beauty alone made her certain of her future.
‘Ha! Look who is talking about fairness.’ Grace fired back. ‘As if I was the one who snatched my sister’s boy friend.’ She smiled away, licking the corner of her mouth.
‘Eh, eh, eh, eh, that is a enough.’ Toyin said pushing her away. ‘You are very mean about things like this, you know very well that I didn’t mean to do that, only that that young man could not keep his eyes off me. So I gave him what he want.’
‘Can’t you refuse him? For God sake he was going out with your sister.’ Returned Grace solemnly rolling her sparkling eyeball.
‘That is not your business.’
‘It is my business because in this land such acts are regarded as abomination.’
‘Then, if you are so concerned about this land grab me or better still beat me if you can.’ Answered Toyin pretending to be angry.
‘Mad girl you have come again, you know very well that I was only joking.’ Pleaded Grace pushing her around.
‘Go and sit down, anybody that don’t know you will think you are a saint, more innocent than an unborn child.’ Toyin said smiling wolfishly and pointing at Grace who has lifted a basin full of water up and allows it to slowly drip on her like a split pump. And Toyin while speaking was slowly peeling off her clothes one after the other until she was totally naked except for her immaculate white bra and panties. Her breast full and pointing furiously like yam’s hips dug in dry season. Her skin reflecting the evening sun.
Savagely, Toyin said after showcasing her elegant body, ‘I just don’t want you to bring your elder sister into this. You know she is the born again type.’
‘Ho, you really think she is born again? You must be a block head to believe that.’ Said Grace stretching her hands as if to grab the other. ‘My sister is only acting she claimed to be born again after she had wasted her life dating all the dateables. She is not born at all, she is only pretending.’ She went closed to her companion looking around like a thief before whispering into her hear, ‘she is looking for an husband.’
‘Don’t tell me that. How can your big sister be pretending? Are there not husbands everywhere? Whispered Toyin.
‘What make you think I would lie against my own sister.’ She whispered again like a man delivering a secret to the king. ‘ Just listen, three day ago she came back from the fellowship with her friend. You know her now that black girl who normally reads response in the church.’ She grabbed Toyin’s shoulder with both hands and shook her roughly.
‘ Yes, James’s sister.’
‘Exactly, they came with their faces beaming with smile. I heard them laughing and talking about Sidney. You know Sidney, the son of Chief Egbe, my daddy’s friend.’
‘What! That handsome young man in the college?’ Toyin quickly asked her eyes beaming with surprise and a sudden welling up in her pretty oval face.
‘Yes’ answered the other.
‘Nonsense, does she think that Sidney would dream of settling down with an old lady of thirty?’ Toyin said bitterly. ‘When beautiful ladies like us are still in this town. She must be joking.’ Smiling, she started cat-walking along the riverbank, displaying her delicate legs in a fashion common to movie stars.
‘Beauty queen…miss world,’ Cheered Grace, clapping her hands.
‘You better let your sister know that she is building Eldorado, fictitious castle. To think that Sidney – the most handsome among the Chief Egbe’s sons would marry or even date an old lady like her.’ Toyin said attempting to sit on a piece of rock by the stream, which was shaped like a stool. Her voice was harsh and bitter.
‘Enough! Don’t dare talk to my sister like that. She and her friend were only taking about how he preached in the fellowship. Nobody is snatching Sidney, you secret admirer.’ Grace said defensively.
‘Wait a minute, were they trying to say that Sidney is now born again and he is preaching already? No, no not Sidney.’ Cried Toyin ‘that cute guy cannot be born again.
She was not only surprise now but her feminine heart was bleeding. For a long time she has been admiring the young man from afar. Last Christmas when he came home she stumbled upon him in their house when her father sent her to the Chief. He told her that day she was beautiful and she was looking forward to a blissful relationship but he never went beyond that.
‘Are you really serious or pretending to be in love? Hey, don’t tell me you are a medieval lover weeping in silence and loving in secret. Like in the thirteen century you will burn and die of love, ha, ha, ha’ Grace mocked her, clenching her fists in a fashion common to gossips.
‘Say whatever you like, it wouldn’t change anything.’ Toyin responded sheepishly. Sidney, she believed was a man any woman would die for. He is so cute, intelligent and gentle. She closed her eyes and smiled to herself, why should I be an exception, she thought.
‘Hey, why wearing that funny looks. Who said you can not love him.’ Grace said in a petulant voice.
She shrugged her slim shoulders, lifted her hands up toward the sky, walked over to her companion and placed her slim hand round her neck. They both sat down with their legs in the waters.
‘ My dear’ it was Grace who broke the silence. ‘Everybody love Sidney, everybody including myself, he is a nice guy. But you see – he look around her as if to be sure they were alone – a man can not pluck from a tree he can not climb, our elders said it is suicide. He is too high for us to reach. Come to think of it, he is rich, the son of the king, handsome, loved by all, schooling in the big city and many ladies are after him. What chances could we possibly have?’
Toyin looked at her contemplatively. ‘But look at me – standing up to showcase her elegant body. Somebody fetching water from the other end of the Stream saw her and greeted her and she waved her greetings – am I that bad?’
‘No, you don’t’
I know I am not, I am even better than some of those city girls he might have knew. Tell me can any man see this body and ignore me?’ turning aside like a shy little baby she solemnly whispered, ‘but Sidney is different, he seems not to noticed anybody around.’
‘But you said he once told you that you the most beautiful girl in Iyoland.’
‘Yes, but he never go further than that, despite all my effort to encouraged him. I’m beginning to suspect that it was just a compliment any way.’
‘You don’t have to look so disappointed girl. The only people I think have assessed to him now are those in the church. I think that’s the only qualification one need to reached him.’
‘In that case, you are not suggesting we pretend to be born again?’ Toyin asked, astounded and incredulous.She shrugged her slim shoulders again and said, ‘that seems to be the only way.’
‘Ha! Look who is talking about fairness.’ Grace fired back. ‘As if I was the one who snatched my sister’s boy friend.’ She smiled away, licking the corner of her mouth.
‘Eh, eh, eh, eh, that is a enough.’ Toyin said pushing her away. ‘You are very mean about things like this, you know very well that I didn’t mean to do that, only that that young man could not keep his eyes off me. So I gave him what he want.’
‘Can’t you refuse him? For God sake he was going out with your sister.’ Returned Grace solemnly rolling her sparkling eyeball.
‘That is not your business.’
‘It is my business because in this land such acts are regarded as abomination.’
‘Then, if you are so concerned about this land grab me or better still beat me if you can.’ Answered Toyin pretending to be angry.
‘Mad girl you have come again, you know very well that I was only joking.’ Pleaded Grace pushing her around.
‘Go and sit down, anybody that don’t know you will think you are a saint, more innocent than an unborn child.’ Toyin said smiling wolfishly and pointing at Grace who has lifted a basin full of water up and allows it to slowly drip on her like a split pump. And Toyin while speaking was slowly peeling off her clothes one after the other until she was totally naked except for her immaculate white bra and panties. Her breast full and pointing furiously like yam’s hips dug in dry season. Her skin reflecting the evening sun.
Savagely, Toyin said after showcasing her elegant body, ‘I just don’t want you to bring your elder sister into this. You know she is the born again type.’
‘Ho, you really think she is born again? You must be a block head to believe that.’ Said Grace stretching her hands as if to grab the other. ‘My sister is only acting she claimed to be born again after she had wasted her life dating all the dateables. She is not born at all, she is only pretending.’ She went closed to her companion looking around like a thief before whispering into her hear, ‘she is looking for an husband.’
‘Don’t tell me that. How can your big sister be pretending? Are there not husbands everywhere? Whispered Toyin.
‘What make you think I would lie against my own sister.’ She whispered again like a man delivering a secret to the king. ‘ Just listen, three day ago she came back from the fellowship with her friend. You know her now that black girl who normally reads response in the church.’ She grabbed Toyin’s shoulder with both hands and shook her roughly.
‘ Yes, James’s sister.’
‘Exactly, they came with their faces beaming with smile. I heard them laughing and talking about Sidney. You know Sidney, the son of Chief Egbe, my daddy’s friend.’
‘What! That handsome young man in the college?’ Toyin quickly asked her eyes beaming with surprise and a sudden welling up in her pretty oval face.
‘Yes’ answered the other.
‘Nonsense, does she think that Sidney would dream of settling down with an old lady of thirty?’ Toyin said bitterly. ‘When beautiful ladies like us are still in this town. She must be joking.’ Smiling, she started cat-walking along the riverbank, displaying her delicate legs in a fashion common to movie stars.
‘Beauty queen…miss world,’ Cheered Grace, clapping her hands.
‘You better let your sister know that she is building Eldorado, fictitious castle. To think that Sidney – the most handsome among the Chief Egbe’s sons would marry or even date an old lady like her.’ Toyin said attempting to sit on a piece of rock by the stream, which was shaped like a stool. Her voice was harsh and bitter.
‘Enough! Don’t dare talk to my sister like that. She and her friend were only taking about how he preached in the fellowship. Nobody is snatching Sidney, you secret admirer.’ Grace said defensively.
‘Wait a minute, were they trying to say that Sidney is now born again and he is preaching already? No, no not Sidney.’ Cried Toyin ‘that cute guy cannot be born again.
She was not only surprise now but her feminine heart was bleeding. For a long time she has been admiring the young man from afar. Last Christmas when he came home she stumbled upon him in their house when her father sent her to the Chief. He told her that day she was beautiful and she was looking forward to a blissful relationship but he never went beyond that.
‘Are you really serious or pretending to be in love? Hey, don’t tell me you are a medieval lover weeping in silence and loving in secret. Like in the thirteen century you will burn and die of love, ha, ha, ha’ Grace mocked her, clenching her fists in a fashion common to gossips.
‘Say whatever you like, it wouldn’t change anything.’ Toyin responded sheepishly. Sidney, she believed was a man any woman would die for. He is so cute, intelligent and gentle. She closed her eyes and smiled to herself, why should I be an exception, she thought.
‘Hey, why wearing that funny looks. Who said you can not love him.’ Grace said in a petulant voice.
She shrugged her slim shoulders, lifted her hands up toward the sky, walked over to her companion and placed her slim hand round her neck. They both sat down with their legs in the waters.
‘ My dear’ it was Grace who broke the silence. ‘Everybody love Sidney, everybody including myself, he is a nice guy. But you see – he look around her as if to be sure they were alone – a man can not pluck from a tree he can not climb, our elders said it is suicide. He is too high for us to reach. Come to think of it, he is rich, the son of the king, handsome, loved by all, schooling in the big city and many ladies are after him. What chances could we possibly have?’
Toyin looked at her contemplatively. ‘But look at me – standing up to showcase her elegant body. Somebody fetching water from the other end of the Stream saw her and greeted her and she waved her greetings – am I that bad?’
‘No, you don’t’
I know I am not, I am even better than some of those city girls he might have knew. Tell me can any man see this body and ignore me?’ turning aside like a shy little baby she solemnly whispered, ‘but Sidney is different, he seems not to noticed anybody around.’
‘But you said he once told you that you the most beautiful girl in Iyoland.’
‘Yes, but he never go further than that, despite all my effort to encouraged him. I’m beginning to suspect that it was just a compliment any way.’
‘You don’t have to look so disappointed girl. The only people I think have assessed to him now are those in the church. I think that’s the only qualification one need to reached him.’
‘In that case, you are not suggesting we pretend to be born again?’ Toyin asked, astounded and incredulous.She shrugged her slim shoulders again and said, ‘that seems to be the only way.’
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